So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
