Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
