it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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