What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
