Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
