Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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