Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
