So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
