She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Randomize
