so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
