grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
