i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
