The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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