i was born a porn star she said
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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