Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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