I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
