thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
