omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize