heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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