I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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