Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
