Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
