I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
