your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
