Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
