My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
