Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
