My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
