No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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