we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
