Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
