my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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