he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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