Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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