We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize