he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
