After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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