Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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