u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
