new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
