Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
