im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
