so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
