She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
