i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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