when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
