Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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