These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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