so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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