I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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