am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize