I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
