please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
