took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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