woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
