I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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