I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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