Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
