Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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