STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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