you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
