my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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