Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
