just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
