3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
