Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
