suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
