i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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