At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we have pet lesbian snakes
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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