had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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