I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
