no one should ever give us hovercrafts
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
