dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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