I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
