I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
